Women Place Men into these 10 Categories

Cover photo collaboration between myself (editing/pictured @StephBeTravell) and @Yurachkat

“Men place women into two categories: I would sleep with her, or I wouldn’t sleep with her.” “Women place men on a ladder. Men move up and down that ladder.”

He was right. Flashback 2012 – there I was, new to Sydney with a new friend of a friend, but this could also be a date? I couldn’t tell. Was this a date? Were we going to be good friends?

I had just moved to Sydney. I didn’t want to date.

I ended up in a relationship anyways (with another guy) shortly after, and chances are that first guy will always just be a friend. But his words stuck with me.

It’s true. Subconsciously, women put men into categories.

I’m not the only one that thinks this way.

As a professional traveler and the gosh-darn Taylor Swift of travel-blogging, both men and women are open with me about their relationships. Maybe I’m just a good listener, but chances are if someone’s single, I’m their go-to for advice and updates.

Mind you, Los Angeles also has a very particular dating scene. So while I don’t personally use every one of these categories, I’m well aware of their existence.

Here they are:

1. The Acquaintance

That friend of a friend she met once, a former classmate, maybe even loosely extended colleague.

Think: that guy she wouldn’t follow on instagram, but might accept his friend-request on Facebook (reverse if they work in the social media industry). Pretty much, she doesn’t actually know him. An acquaintance can move into any of the other categories, unless of course, the guy’s current state ceases “no interest.”

If he’s just an acquaintance, chances are he’ll always be just that, unless:

1. They are forced to spend time to get to know each other
2. There is a mutual attraction and curiosity
3. Strong mutual friendships bring them together
4. There is a potential to work together

To get beyond “acquaintance” two people have to get to know each other — but more importantly — they have an incentive to do so.

However, I’ll reiterate: people have different needs for each other, but sometimes we don’t need the other person at all.

2. The Friend

They hang out, probably through mutual friends, a hobby, or work. They enjoy each other’s company and that’s that.

You don’t hook up with friends.

You don’t hook up with friends.

If you’re hooking up, you’re not just friends.

Maybe you tried it once out of curiosity, but if you’re regularly hooking up with someone, you’re not just friends, and don’t let any rom-com make you think otherwise.

Friendship, however can also change. A guy is NOT friend-zoned forever. Friendships can lead to acquaintances, best friends, or romantic interests. If he hits on her and she isn’t interested, it could be “good-bye” to their “friendship.” If he’s attractive and attracted to her, they could transition into a new muse. If she doesn’t find him attractive, but this term changes — he could upgrade from friend-zone to romantic interest.

However, chances are there is a romantic deal-breaker and he’ll always just be a friend.

There are so many matters that determine whether or not we are attracted to someone. It could be the way he looks, his lifestyle, perhaps a non-negotiable habit or hobby, location — whatever.  He’s in the friend-zone and it’s not a problem, if he’s just looking for friendship too :)

3. The F*ck-Boy

I hate that word. I returned to LA after traveling the world, and it was the hot new phrase for fornication. This implies that a woman literally just wants to have sex with a guy. Basically, my generation has finally given women some sense of agency. Women are not equal, but we still want to be. For years, society has hyper-sexualized women, so to even out the playing field, Millennial women have turned the tables and hyper-specialized men.

I wish that instead of “getting even,” we had just raised the bar on their end.

I don’t understand why men would want to sleep with a girl that didn’t think he was good enough for a relationship.

There is no friendship with the f*ck- boy (still cringing when I type the word). You are acquaintances, you have sex. The second you start to get to know each other and hang out, you’re dating and too immature to call it so.

It also doesn’t count if she has real feelings for him, and their relationship is limited to sex because he doesn’t want more. Consider the movie Bridesmaids. Not a — you know — that word.

Honestly, I don’t really care who you want to have sex with. This isn’t about judgment.

I’m just saying, women have re-defined our gender’s role in sex, so that they can use you for sex too.

But if you’re going to engage in a relationship where you are respectfully fulfilling each other’s physical needs, just take it back to old school Sex and the City: it’s just casual sex, not a de-humanizing “let’s get even” mentality further ruining dating in our generation.

4. The Best Friend

This is one of the guys she’s particularly close to. She loves him as a friend. They’ve probably talked about relationships with the other guys and girls they’re dating. She plays wing-woman for this guy. She knows that depending on his new gf, the boo will either hate her with jealousy, or want to be her bff too.

Let’s get something straight; as adults, guys aren’t going around looking for new bff chicks.

If a woman meets a new guy and he’s particularly friendly, he’s probably not trying to be her best friend. He either wants to date her, sleep with her, or work with her.

A woman can really only have a true best friend of the opposite sex, if they’ve had the time to get to know each other. Perhaps, they’ve been pulled together by family friendships, childhood or teen memories, college classes, a professional setting, or she dated one of his best friends.

I know what you’re wondering: Can a best friend become more?

Maybe, but it’s actually harder to date a guy best friend. She would be losing so much if it didn’t work out; they’d have to be on the exact same page, and it’s really only worth it if they think it’s going to be eternal true love. People say you should marry your best friend, but a lot of times this is someone who you’re dating that becomes your best friend, not vice versa.

He can absolutely go from best friend to dating, but the whole point of most guy best friends is exactly that — that they would never date each other.

5. Back-Burner Boy

Another phrase I hate to admit I know exists. Back-burner boy is the guy women KNOW is interested in them, and who they keep dangling for when they need their affection.

Back-burner boys are reliable. They love the girl and the girl takes advantage of it. I think the cruelest thing you can do is lead someone on. Love and lust are so fragile as is, how dare someone hurt someone else for their own selfish needs? But it’s a thing. Women who have back-burner-boys are usually also women who also the next category — jerks.

Remember, this isn’t just a friend — this is actually someone who a woman knows is romantically interested and doesn’t communicate her disinterest.

6. The As*hole

This guy doesn’t treat her right. In fact, she might actually be the equivalent of a back-burner girl. It doesn’t matter if she’s friend-zoned, if they’re hooking up, or if they’re dating and he’s full of lies, cheating — or worse — selfishness.

The as*hole isn’t very nice.

I’ll reiterate: relationships only work if you’re on the same page. The only thing that really makes this guy a jerk, is if he’s playing games or leading her on. It’s the deception and manipulation. It may not be his actions that makes him a jerk, it might just be that he isn’t meeting her expectations, and she is putting up with it instead of walking away.

Ladies: if he sucks, then don’t be in a relationship with someone who sucks.

If you aren’t happy with your relationship or his behavior, you have three options:

1. Address it so that his behavior changes.
2. Accept his behavior as a part of who he is right now, thus changing your needs and attitude towards what you want from the relationship.
3. Change the relationship status, which might mean bumping him to acquaintance, friend, or just completely walking away.

But she’s only dating a jerk for as long as she allows him to be a jerk, or for as long as she chooses to date a jerk.

7. A Crush

This could be an acquaintance or friend, but the fun in it, is that they don’t know each other that well and want to learn more. It doesn’t matter if they’ve loosely known each other for years, or actually found a decent match via a swipe. She’s curious, she’s interested. He has her attention.

8. Dating

Arguably, the most complex and ambiguous concept in the English language, “dating” varies from “just talking” to her “dude” to “seeing him,” to “I’ve been dating my boyfriend for five years.”

Dating is a friend you are romantically involved with. There is some level of trust, activity, and engagement. There are so many stages of dating, and the experience isn’t just unique to each individual – but further distinguished to the way two people create this experience together.

I hate labels (I know, ironically I’m creating some for this post).

I’ve literally been in a relationship where the guy I’m dating comes to my family’s house for Christmas and Thanksgiving, but that I would struggle to introduce as my boyfriend.

Side note to future boyfriend, you have to grab me by the shoulders and be like “I’m your boyfriend and you like it,” and I’ll be great. Otherwise, I get as weird about labels as everyone else. I’ll run.

Why do we get weird about labels? Because it puts pressure.

We don’t want to define a relationship before we are ready, mostly because we don’t know what we want, and half the time we don’t know what is going on. Communication is the key to any type of relationship (even with getting along with your parents).

Until you make the decision together to date exclusively, “not see other people,” or be “in a relationship,” you’re just dating.

You’re dating, not “chilling.” Man and woman up to the phrase; it literally just means that’s you like each other and are getting to know each other.

That’s it.

9. Love

Love is crazy and beautiful. Love is invested. If you are her love, there is a commitment on her end. It doesn’t matter if you’re just dating, and she should be dating other people, but toxically is loyal to just you. It doesn’t matter if you mutually love each other for three months or forty years. Love is the point where you really start influencing who each other is and making some sacrifices for each other.

The problem is that people love in different ways. People love in different amounts. People love on different terms. Love is the present and it is a past, but it’s not always the future.

This comes down to one reason: love can be unequal.

“I love you.” “I love you more.”

And that’s when love fails. Love can fail, but it was still love. Was.

10. True Love

True love on the other hand, is mutual and equal. A choice between two people, every day, forever. “I love you, I truly love you.” … “I truly love you more” just isn’t grammatically correct. It doesn’t work. It doesn’t exist. There is no, “we were truly in love” — if it’s a matter of the past — if you broke up.

If a woman categorizes you as her true love, you’ve earned each others’ devout trust, time, respect, admiration, and affection. If you’re her true love, you’re her best friend. If you’re her true love, there are no other categories.

You both threw away the ladder. Because let’s be honest, outside of the simple fact that men would or wouldn’t sleep with a woman; they’re pretty darn complex too.

TravelBreak Posts You Might Like:

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Upgrade You: 15 Reasons Successful People Stick Together

Were You in Love or Did You Think You Were in Love?

The Player’s Verdict – The Truth About Why We’re Single

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